Taco Town is getting pumped up about tonight’s National Championship football game featuring our Texas Longhorns vs. The Alabama Crimson Tide.  I know Holy Taco has their mind on other aspects of the game, but we just had to chime in, considering the major taco-related developments concerning 2 Alabama players.  Burnt Orange Nation sums it up for us:

Update on Rolando McClain’s and Rod Woodson’s stomach viruses, which apparently came from bad tacos (which of course is an oxymoron, as there is no such thing as a bad taco, only tacos that make you more sick than other tacos). They will both play tomorrow, but both have been held out of practice and may have some trouble with stamina and cramping in the game as they struggle the rehydrate.

and blogger EDSBS smells a conspiracy:

Now: what do Texans pride themselves on? Besides the wanton use of firearms, Vince Young, titties, and the innate supremacy of their good-but-let’s-not-go-overboard-you-hipster-shitbags music scene?* That’s right: Mexican food. Go anywhere and Texans will whinge and bemoan the current unacceptable state of their taco, sometimes even doing this while standing in the middle of a restaurant in Oaxaca, because “Mexican food in Texas is better than Mexican food made in Mexico!”

Can’t really argue with that logic, but hold on – there’s other suspects in this crime: who could defend the state of California and their baja chipotle fish tacos garbage?…Fish and shrimp will always be the most dangerous tacos – and we have plenty of soiled undergarments to prove that/ plus SoCal’s own Poison made a comeback, and lots of people are throwing up from that, so…I’d say the jury’s still out.

Bottom Line here – Tacos are good – bad tacos are better because they destroy the bowels of your enemy.  You call it food poisoning – We’ll call it Destiny! Hook em Horns!!

-cabeza

Taco’s in Heaven
Taco Town sheds a collective tear today in rememberance of Joe “Taco” Navarro, a 69 year-old log cabin builder from Smithville, TX.  joe lost his battle with cancer last Wednesday at MD Anderson in Houston.  Condolences to The Navarro Family…On the bright side – we hear the taco trucks up there are off the chain…R.I.P. Taco Navarro.

Assault with a Deadly Taco
Orlando, Fl - Zachary Moir, 19, was arrested and charged with assaulting his mother-  with a TACO!  “When he refused to stop playing his X-box and come down for dinner, Dena Moir says she went upstairs and unplugged the game, that’s when she says Zachary pushed her and called her a bad name…then he slapped her arm and threw a taco in her face.”…While we support Zach for defending his right to grip the sticks, Taco Town must denounce and reject the wasteful and potentially lethal use of tacos as weapons…STAND DOWN son! <original article>

Two Words: Holy Taco!
My new favorite blahg doesn’t have anything to do with tacos the food- we’ll cover that. But it does have tons of funny shit.  They say its like a guy’s bible –a guyble, if you will look at this>

Dubbed the TOXIC TRIANGLE, its the 20,000 home subdivision in the southwest part of San Antonio, TX [map] – built atop a former Air Force base. Years of chemical spills, careless dumping and undocumented disposal of mystery barrels have left the area’s water supply contaminated with a dealy plume of cancer-causing chemicals, including Trichloroethylene (TCE)- which has been linked to serious health effects including liver, kidney and breast cancer. Literally hundreds of Toxic Triangle residents have died of cancer over the past 10 years.

While the Air Force authorities have assumed the burden of cleaning up the mess, they still view the cancer studies as inconclusive, and “to bitter, impatient residents, the Air Force’s reluctance to take direct blame for the incidence of disease in the area is demonstrated by what they consider to be an outrageously slow, half-hearted cleanup effort.” SA Current – Full Article here

“WTF does this have to do with Tacos?” you ask??

Well, now the Air Force is pulling what i can only decribe as Taco Town’s Conspiracy Mashup of The Year- combining overt racism with pass-the-buck right wing science (ala global warming denial) Brilliant!

The Airforce is funding (at least partially) a study into the theory that this cancer plague is actually caused by corn tortillas! Here’s their only evidence:

Donnelly says a study in Africa found that a toxic mold sometimes found naturally in corn and grains is believed to be a contributing factor to liver cancer cases among some local residents there, but those people also suffered from hepatitis, or had other liver problems.
“There was a study that was specifically done in South Texas that showed that there are certain corn products that do have relatively high levels of these chemicals in them,” explained Dr. Donnelly, “So, yes, we are suspicious of corn products.” …Full Article Here

What genius came up with this one? Could it be an Aggie scientist (irony in itself)? YES!…I can see it now: “Well, ders lots o’ mexicans over there in San Antonio…bet they eat lots o’ tacos n corn n shit…maybe we can blame it on the tacos?”

You know what else causes cancer? EVERYTHING! cigarettes, red meat, sweet n low, diet coke, computers, microwaves, cell phones…etc…oh and also massive amounts of TCE!!!

But surely this has nothing to do with a Giant PLUME of toxic waste in those mexicans’ drinking water!…Nahhh…its the tortillas…and genetics…

FUCK THAT!!!
- Cabeza.

after the break: links to more info about this mess
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